Math, reading and problem-solving skills

"At Starbucks you can now pick up something called a duffin. A duffin is a combination of a doughnut and a muffin. I have an idea for Starbucks: cheap coffee – 'Choffee.' Governor Chris Christie said: 'Big deal, call me when Starbucks is combining cake and pie.'" –David Letterman



"They said today that the government shutdown will not interfere with NASA's next mission to Mars. Isn't that ironic? We can go to Mars but we can't go to the Statue of Liberty." –Jay Leno



"Americans adults scored below the national average on math, reading and problem-solving skills. Do we need a test to know that we're not good at problem-solving. Can't we look at these morons in Washington and the shutdown and figure that out?" –Jay Leno