Think corporations can't afford a minimum wage of $15 hour? (without the high of 10,000 orgasms)

Hey, marathons, if I wanted to waste my day watching someone travel 26 miles by foot, I'd binge-watch "The Lord of the Rings." Frodo needs a Gatorade! --Seth Meyers

Marathon weekend is like any other weekend in New York City, except the people going to the bathroom on the street are in much better shape. --Seth Meyers

Also, soda without the caffeine? That's like asking for heroin without the high of 10,000 orgasms. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now she's just one historic tax cut away from a bus pass! (I have record-breaking humility)

It was an especially awkward moment, because Trump was in town to tout the benefits of the Republican tax plan. And he knows exactly who deserves all the credit for the booming economy [clip of Trump]: "You know, you can work hard, but if you don't have the right leader setting the right tone, in all fairness — I am not even saying — I am NON-braggadocious.” [imitates Trump]: I do the most least amount of bragging anyone has ever seen. I have record-breaking humility. --Stephen Colbert

Paul Ryan was instrumental in getting the Republican tax cut passed last year, and on Saturday he was in a bragging mood, tweeting, "A secretary at a public high school in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, said she was pleasantly surprised her pay went up $1.50 a week. She said that will more than cover her Costco membership for the year." Cool! Now she's just one historic tax cut away from a bus pass! --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel (your car is still on fire)

Did you see they partied hard in the streets of Philly last night? Everyone in Philadelphia was a winner last night. They really were, unless your car was parked at the intersection of Broad Street and Chestnut. Then today you were riding the bus because your car is still on fire. --James Corden

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is being called out of touch and is facing some backlash after bragging about the Republican tax plan. He tweeted about a Pennsylvania high school secretary saying she was pleasantly surprised when her pay went up $1.50 a week. I guess Trump promised real change. And the Republicans delivered in the form of five quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

appropriate snack for the #MeToo era (they seat me next to a crying baby)

President Trump today criticized the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, tweeting, quote, "Little Adam Schiff, who is desperate to run for higher office, is one of the biggest liars and leakers in Washington." Meanwhile, eighth-grader Jessica tweeted, "It is time to come together on bipartisan immigration reform." --Seth Meyers

President Trump and Melania traveled to Cincinnati today. Said Melania, "Of COURSE, they seat me next to a crying baby." --Seth Meyers

Doritos is reportedly looking into launching a so-called lady-friendly chip that doesn’t crunch as loudly. Because there’s no more appropriate snack for the #MeToo era than a chip that tells women to be quiet. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the orangutan escaped his enclosure (SHHHHHHHHHH! Class Warfare)

Officials at a South Carolina zoo say an orangutan briefly escaped his enclosure on Monday, but then returned to his pen. Incidentally “the orangutan escaped his enclosure” is Secret Service code for when Trump shows up at a policy briefing. --Seth Meyers

A new poll has found that 86% of Americans said that it’s important that the president be loyal to their spouse. Said Melania, “No, seriously, I’m good.” --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

And we all know the president dodges drafts, so... (MINE!, pt. 7)

Trump was completely removed from the negotiations. It’s funny, he always claimed to be the best negotiator. This was his big selling point, “I’m the dealmaker.” At this point it seems pretty clear he couldn’t even negotiate 20% off at Bed Bath & Beyond with the coupon. --Jimmy Kimmel

That’s how you pose if you’re on a tour of the Oval Office and they let you sit behind the desk. He’s wearing a hat with a suit, and the only time it’s appropriate to wear a hat with a suit is at the NBA draft. And we all know the president dodges drafts, so... --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I bet the handwriting on those letters looks a lot like Kellyanne Conway's (MINE)

At the White House, the chief of staff, John Kelly, is reportedly asking people who work at the White House whether or not they're planning to stay on the job through the end of the year. Morale among staffers is reported to be low. Why? I have no idea. Seems like everything's going great. --Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump had his first Cabinet meeting of the year today, where — and you're not going to believe this — he took time out to boast about the media's reaction to his bipartisan meeting yesterday with members of Congress. (clip of Trump) "Got great reviews by everybody other than two networks who were phenomenal for about two hours. Then after that, they were called by their bosses, 'Oh, wait a minute.' And unfortunately, a lot of those anchors sent us letters saying that was one of the greatest meetings they've ever witnessed." Really? A lot of those anchors sent you letters saying it was one of the greatest meetings ever? I bet the handwriting on those letters looks a lot like Kellyanne Conway's. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

there was a party that featured robot strippers (It's fun to get a video chat from your dog)

Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way. --Jimmy Fallon

I read about a company that's working on technology that would let your pet video chat with you. It's fun to get a video chat from your dog, but depressing to watch your cat decline your call. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html