If
I was Chris Christie and everyone was focused on my weight, I'd pick an even
fatter running mate — someone huge, like 600 pounds. –Jimmy Kimmel
Donald
Trump sued Univision today for $500 million, which everyone's making a big deal
about, but what future president hasn't sued a TV network for pulling his
beauty pageant off the air? When Roosevelt did it, no one said a word. –Jimmy Kimmel
I
don't know if Rand Paul has to go to Colorado. If he wants money from stoners,
he should just become a pizza delivery guy. –Jimmy Kimmel
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