Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago (Hey, we tried to warn you)

"Yesterday, the Senate floor was reserved for farewell speeches from retiring senators. Each senator received a fitting gift: a gold watch that stopped working years ago." –Jimmy Fallon

"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"McDonald's just announced that it's bringing back the McRib later this month. Or, as the Mayans put it, 'Hey, we tried to warn you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there. (and that's just for people to do his taxes)

August 2012

"Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are 'legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.' The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected." –Jay Leno

"Fellow Republicans are calling for Todd Akin to step down. But Democrats are going 'Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there.'" –Jay Leno

"At a campaign stop in Ohio, a group of senior citizens greeted Republican Vice President nominee Paul Ryan and yelled 'Good luck!' It’s good to see the cast of 'The Expendables 2' is everywhere this week." –Jay Leno

“Todd Akin announced that he is staying in the race. Is that a surprise? A guy who that so little about a woman's body doesn't know when it's time to pull out." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office – and that's just for people to do his taxes." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They raised a million dollars and converted him to Scientology (a reference to California's teachers)

“Arnold Schwarzenegger was only in the movie The Expendables for five minutes, but during that five minutes, he achieved more than in all his years as governor." –Craig Ferguson

"When Schwarzenegger heard the title 'The Expendables,' he thought it was in reference to California's teachers." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama was in Hollywood for a star-studded fundraiser. They raised a million dollars and converted him to Scientology." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey, that's my campaign slogan

"Our former governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, returned today to Sacramento, where they unveiled his official portrait. They do this for all the governors, even the ones who were in 'The Expendables.'" –Jimmy Kimmel 


"Apple announced the iPhone 6 today, which they say has a more durable screen that won't crack or scratch as easily. Or as your kids put it, 'Challenge accepted!' Apple promised less cracking. Then Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said, 'Hey, that's my campaign slogan.'" –Jimmy Fallon