Over their 30-year marriage, the couple shared two daughters, several homes and one laugh (Schwepped up in it)

"France has passed new legislation that makes it illegal to work after 6 p.m. They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses." –Seth Meyers

"The Kremlin announced yesterday that Vladimir Putin and his wife have officially divorced. Over their 30-year marriage, the couple shared two daughters, several homes and one laugh." –Seth Meyers

A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's embarrassing I have to keep explaining this (the wrong photo)

August 2013

"Donald Trump and Trump University have been sued by the New York attorney general for running an unlicensed university. They said 'It's illegal. Your university is just like that thing on your head. They're both unlicensed.'" –David Letterman

"Do you think Donald Trump's own kids went to Trump University? No! His kids went to that fly-by-night diploma mill, the Wharton School of Business." –David Letterman

"New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner got in a car wreck over the weekend – not to be confused with his campaign. That's a train wreck. And today he tweeted the insurance company the wrong photo." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup (go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered)

December 2012

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney has a new job. He's going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you're at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, 'I understand there's some trouble?'" –David Letterman

"They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you're running for president of the United States. The next day you're shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you're at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney got a job at a Marriott hotel. President Obama's trying to stop us from going over the fiscal cliff. Mitt Romney is trying to stop people from stealing towels." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there. (and that's just for people to do his taxes)

August 2012

"Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are 'legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.' The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected." –Jay Leno

"Fellow Republicans are calling for Todd Akin to step down. But Democrats are going 'Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there.'" –Jay Leno

"At a campaign stop in Ohio, a group of senior citizens greeted Republican Vice President nominee Paul Ryan and yelled 'Good luck!' It’s good to see the cast of 'The Expendables 2' is everywhere this week." –Jay Leno

“Todd Akin announced that he is staying in the race. Is that a surprise? A guy who that so little about a woman's body doesn't know when it's time to pull out." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office – and that's just for people to do his taxes." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a plot that could only be understood by a man clutching his own pillow (their jug of government bleach)

April 2021

“We are celebrating President Biden’s vaccine milestone: all American adults are eligible to receive a Covid vaccine, as promised two weeks ago. It’s a huge contrast from his predecessor, Voldemoron. Even under that guy’s most optimistic projections, at this point only a third of US adults would’ve received their jug of government bleach.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yet it’s not all good news on the vaccine front: a recent poll of Republicans and white evangelical Christians found almost 30% of each group would ‘definitely not’ get a shot. Apparently the message, ‘the vaccine is safe and effective’ isn’t as believable as ‘Hugo Chavez and a cabal of celebrity pedophiles stole an election from the least popular president in history in a plot that could only be understood by a man clutching his own pillow.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Another long-simmering scandal: GOP groups who mass-purchase books written by Republicans to boost sales and land them on bestseller lists. That’s so embarrassing. It’s like when your dad has to buy all of your Girl Scout cookies because your cookies are painfully boring, and blame everything on immigrants. It’s always been a shady strategy, but it may have now broken the law: Senator Ted Cruz of Texas is accused of violating campaign finance rules by mass-purchasing his new book with $154,000 of campaign money. A warning to anyone visiting Ted Cruz’s house: You’re gonna leave with a book. Also a warning to anyone going to Ted Cruz’s house: Ted Cruz is gonna be there.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”