“Tonight, President Biden attended a big Democratic fundraiser in Las Vegas. Yep, not really the best timing for Biden. Yesterday, he assured us the banking system is safe, and 24 hours later, he rolled up in Vegas. He's like, ‘Putting it all on black.’ Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Last night, former president Trump made a campaign visit to Iowa, and he delivered a speech that lasted an hour and 45 minutes. Not only did Trump talk for almost two hours, but he actually ended his speech by taking questions from the audience. Which backfired when the first question was, ‘Can we go home now?’” —Jimmy Fallon
“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Some business news -- amid a rise in shoplifting, Lowe's is using a new 400-pound, egg-shaped security robot to patrol parking lots at some of their stores. 400 pounds and egg-shaped. The robot was like, ‘Thanks. Uh, that description is a real ego boost.’ It looks like if R2-D2, a stormtrooper, and the Jeopardy! buzzer had a baby.” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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