I would be flying right now if gravity didn't exist (just tell me if the panda cam is back on)

October 2013

“Anthony Wiener is back in the news. He said an interesting thing. He said if the Internet didn't exist he would probably be mayor of New York. Yeah, and I would be flying right now if gravity didn't exist.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Before the Internet Anthony Wiener would have been a regular guy in a trench coat hiding behind a tree.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“It's the first day with the government back. The shutdown's over, national parks have reopened, federal employees are back at work. But hey, just tell me if the panda cam is back on.” –Craig Ferguson

“Today the National Postal Museum in Washington, D.C., reopened. For the last few weeks, they haven't had a single visitor. To be fair, it's like that all the time.” –Craig Ferguson

“This morning Joe Biden personally greeted government employees who'd been out of work during the shutdown. Haven't those people suffered enough?” –Craig Ferguson

“Joe Biden brought donuts for the government employees. That is very nice. A donut and Joe Biden are very different, of course. One's a doughy thing that Hillary Clinton's going to eat for breakfast — and the other is a doughnut.” –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”