Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Raped by a Bear

Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently, all they need is some water and Jesus. –Conan O’Brien

Fox Studios said the Internet rumor is false and in his new film, Leonardo DiCaprio is not, I repeat, not raped by a bear. The rumor got started because the title of the film is "Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Raped by a Bear." –Conan O’Brien

MTV announced that the generation after millennials will be known as "The Founders,” because their job will be to restore order to the society that the millennials apparently disrupted. The term "Founder" would apply to anyone age 15 or younger. Or as MTV knows them as, "moms." –James Corden