because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it

Donald Trump has canceled a planned trip to Israel. When asked why, Trump said, "They already have a wall and a fear of Muslims. My work there is done." –Conan O’Brien

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

During a photo shoot for Time Magazine, a bald eagle tried to attack Donald Trump. The only thing that saved Trump’s life was the angry hawk living in his hair. –Conan O’Brien