World Vasectomy Day!

Governor Chris Christie said in an interview yesterday that New Jersey would not accept Syrian refugees. Which is too bad, because Syrian refugees would be the first people ever to arrive in New Jersey and say, “Hey, this is MUCH better!” –Seth Meyers

McDonald’s this week unveiled a successor to its Dollar Menu that will allow customers to pay $2 for two items, which include a double cheeseburger, a chicken sandwich, small fries, or mozzarella sticks. They’re calling it the “Type 2” Dollar Menu. –Seth Meyers

Florida police arrested a woman this weekend in a storage unit facility after she had assaulted her husband during an argument over which sex position is best. She had argued for missionary, while he had argued for “in a storage facility.” –Seth Meyers

Friday was “World Vasectomy Day.” Which meant that Saturday was Frozen Peas Day. –Seth Meyers