I always assumed they used foodless food in their food

I read about a pub in England that has 15 cats that just walk around, so you can play with them while you drink beer. Customers said it's really fun and cozy, while the bar's owner…has been dead upstairs for months. –Jimmy Fallon

Check your calendars, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I'm a little worried because there is a turkey shortage this year. There is an outbreak of deadly avian flu that killed eight million turkey. It's so sad to see so many turkeys dying in a way that doesn't render them delicious. –Stephen Colbert

That’s not the only thing the avian flu has cost us this fall because there's an egg shortage too, which has caused egg prices to rise 50 percent this year. It's gotten so bad that 7-Eleven has begun using eggless mayo in their food, which is a shocker. I always assumed 7-Eleven used foodless food in their food. –Stephen Colbert