the moon is going away because they've been bad

Don't forget on Sunday night, there's going to be a full lunar eclipse. So, parents, don't forget to point up at the sky and tell your children the moon is going away because they've been bad. –Stephen Colbert

Everybody see Thursday night's football game? I saw it by accident because I tried to watch my show. Once again, I got bumped by "Thursday Night Football." This time, my show didn't start until 12:35 a.m. and last night was my special “Pope Show.” So, football didn't just bump me, it bumped the Pope. Fellas, God gives you all those touchdowns, and this is how you thank him? –Stephen Colbert 

Here in New York, everyone's ecstatic about a visitor to these shores that is inspiring millions to weep tears of joy and devotion. I speak, of course, of the new iPhone 6s. This afternoon, iPhone fans lined up at the Apple Store as the Catholic faithful lined up to see the Pope's procession through Central Park. It was hard to decide which object of worship you should line up for. I mean, they're both pretty special, and both available in a protective case. I just don't understand why the Holy Father still only comes in white. –Stephen Colbert