"Kim Kardashian is here tonight because she has a new book
out. It's called 'Selfish.' It is 400 pages of pictures she took of herself.
You know how you can't judge a book by its cover? This one you can."
–Jimmy Kimmel
"Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for
president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad
emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I
haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the
Mayweather-Pacquiao fight." –Jimmy Fallon
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