"In North Korea, real-life superhero Kim Jong Un is said
to have achieved something that is literally incredible. According to their
state-run media, over the weekend Kim Jong Un climbed the highest mountain in
the country, which is 9,000 feet high and takes days to climb. This was
reportedly no problem for a man built like Roseanne Barr." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Marco Rubio's presidential campaign has raised $40
million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, 'Hey, any chance I
can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?'" –Jimmy Fallon
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