"Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's
been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran" T-shirt?"
–Conan O'Brien
"The rain is giving much needed relief to California's
crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'" -Craig Ferguson
"Vladimir Putin bribed a soccer official with a Picasso
painting so he would support Russia's bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Putin was
like, 'It wasn't Picasso, just picture of what his face would look like if he
said no.' (Nose over here, eye up here, ear in forehead.)" –Jimmy Fallon
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