"Time magazine announced its person of the year. It's health
workers who treat Ebola. That's a person of the year. Time magazine told the
health workers, 'No need to pick up your award, we'll mail it to you.'"
–Conan O'Brien
"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a
baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the
womb.'" –Conan O'Brien
"The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's
almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup." –David Letterman
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