"Dick Cheney is publishing a memoir. He's very thorough, and to get all of the facts for his book, he actually had to waterboard himself." –David Letterman
"In college, Dick Cheney went through a rebellious phase where he experimented with smiling." –David Letterman
"Harold Camping has now changed his prediction of the Rapture to October 21. Does Jesus work for the cable company now? "I'll be there sometime between May and October, between 9 and 5." –Jay Leno
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