"They found a massive stash of porn in Osama bin Laden's compound. Right now CIA agents are screening the pornography carefully, frame by frame, looking for clues." –David Letterman
"Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street." –David Letterman
"I'm disappointed that Trump isn't running. I was really looking forward to not voting for him." –David Letterman
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