"In a new interview, President Obama said that killing Osama bin Laden does not secure his 2012 re-election. Yeah, that's been taken care of by the current field of Republicans." –Jimmy Fallon
"Newt Gingrich is running and just came out with his new book: 'The Adultery of Hope.'" –Jay Leno
"Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate." –Jay Leno
"To save money, Washington state has canceled next year's presidential primaries. If we could just get the other 49 states to do this, the candidates wouldn't have anywhere to campaign and we would have the best election year ever." –Jay Leno
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