Friday, October 28, 2016
No, Georgie. You'll just shoot your eye out. (and in a way, he did)
"When it gets hot, so
hot you can't stand it and the steam is rising from your scalp, do you worry
about global warming? Well, George Bush is now also worried about global
warming, but he has a plan. He's going to invade the sun." --David
Letterman
"The chancellor of
Germany disengaged herself from President Bush using a move she learned in date
rape prevention class. If that was Clinton going in for Merkel, somehow her bra
would be off." --Jon Stewart, on Bush groping German Chancellor Angela
Merkel
"Karl Rove's new
talking point for the Republicans is that the terrorists are like the Nazis,
and anyone against the Iraq War is like the appeasers before World War II. If
that doesn't work they're going to use Bush's analogy, where bin Laden is a
Klingon and he's Captain Kirk." --Bill Maher
Pope Francis is missing (wage stealers)
In Beijing,
because pollution has reached 35 times the safety level, children have been
ordered to stay home. This could mean a delay for anyone who ordered a new
iPhone. –Conan O’Brien
Pope Francis
is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related
story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien
This is the
first speaker of the house to have any facial hair since Republican Frederick
Jillette, who led the house from 1919 until 1925! Now incidentally, Paul Ryan
is also the first politician in 100 years to have a beard that isn't his wife.
–James Corden
"Congress gave itself
a big raise this week and voted against the minimum wage, which is kind of
ironic. I mean if anybody should getting minimum wage, it's Congress."
--Jay Leno
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