So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.

A dentist from Minnesota went on one of those big-game hunting trips in Africa and ended up illegally killing a pretty famous lion named Cecil. So many people hate this guy, Donald Trump is considering him as a running mate. "This guy is the worst. He’s perfect for my campaign." –Jimmy Fallon

A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. –Jimmy Fallon

He can't be worse than DOZE nuts.

It seems like every day, another candidate comes out of the woodwork. In fact this week, a man from Iowa whose actual legal name is Deez Nuts, announced that he is running for president. Then Americans looked at the other candidates and said, “He can't be worse than DOZE nuts.” –Jimmy Fallon

The NFL upheld Tom Brady’s four-game suspension yesterday, and said the decision involved the fact that Brady destroyed his cell phone just before he was investigated. Then Hillary said, “You didn’t have to destroy it — you just switch the SIM card memory chip! Uh, so I’ve heard. I don't know. Bye. Gotta go." –Jimmy Fallon

It came down to two men and I won her

A New York man was arrested Friday for driving an ice cream truck intoxicated wearing only underwear and yelling at children. So on the down side, he was arrested. But, on the up side, he is the Republican front-runner. –Seth Meyers

The season finale of "The Bachelorette" was last night. And Nick was the big winner because Kaitlyn chose Shawn. I'm not sure that's the best way to tell the story how you met your fiancée. "I won her on a game show, it came down to two men and I won her." –Seth Meyers

It's 2015 and we’re not even living in Detroit

The killer robots can't be coming that soon. Like, in the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey," we were supposed to be living on the moon in the year 2001. It's 2015 and we’re not even living in Detroit. –James Corden

A new book by Dr. Seuss came out today called "What Pet Should I get." He was inspired to write it when his wife said, “I want a baby.” –Seth Meyers

I mean robots that will kill you

I saw that Donald Trump is selling his penthouse suite at the Trump Park Avenue building here in New York City for $21 million. When asked why he’s selling it now, Trump said "Hey, Americans seem to be buying everything else I'm selling, so why not strike while the iron's hot.” –Jimmy Fallon

Stephen Hawking, Elon Musk, and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak were a part of a group of scientists that issued a warning to all of humanity that recent breakthroughs in artificial intelligence will one day lead to killer robots. Just to be clear, when I say killer robots, I don't mean like "killer robots, dude." I mean robots that will kill you. –James Corden

Officials first became suspicious in 1991.

A CNN poll has Trump with 18 percent, ahead of Jeb Bush in second place with 15 percent. This is how we do things now. We find our spouses on "The Bachelorette" and our presidents on "The Apprentice." –Jimmy Kimmel

Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991. --Seth Meyers

It's going to be very funny until the White House is covered in gold paint

On ABC's season finale of "The Bachelorette" Nick's proposal fell on deaf ears when Kaitlyn chose Sean. All Nick got out of it was an awkward limo ride home. "I am the world's biggest joke." "That is not true. Not as long as Donald Trump is running for president." –Jimmy Kimmel

According to multiple new polls, Donald Trump is still leading the field of Republican candidates for president, which I have to say is all going to be very funny until the White House is covered in gold paint. –Jimmy Kimmel