It seems like every day, another candidate comes out of the
woodwork. In fact this week, a man from Iowa whose actual legal name is Deez
Nuts, announced that he is running for president. Then Americans looked at the
other candidates and said, “He can't be worse than DOZE nuts.” –Jimmy Fallon
The NFL upheld Tom Brady’s four-game suspension yesterday, and
said the decision involved the fact that Brady destroyed his cell phone just
before he was investigated. Then Hillary said, “You didn’t have to destroy it —
you just switch the SIM card memory chip! Uh, so I’ve heard. I don't know. Bye.
Gotta go." –Jimmy Fallon
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