You won a beauty contest (Congratulations! It's a man!)

The other day, a man in Minnesota got arrested, and handed the officer a Monopoly "Get out of jail free" card. Then when he got to prison, his cellmate handed him a card that said, "You won a beauty contest." –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in South Carolina just gave birth to a 14.4-pound baby boy. The doctor was like, "Congratulations! It's a man!" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series (No one saw that coming!)

On Friday, it was revealed that when the FBI raided the office of Trump's lawyer, they found secretly recorded conversations with the president. And those tapes are now in the hands of the special prosecutor. So on Saturday, Trump downed a case of Monster Energy drinks and lashed out on Twitter, writing: "Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer's office early in the morning — almost unheard of." The only thing inconceivable about the whole thing is that Trump spelled inconceivable correctly. No one saw that coming! --James Corden

Apparently, the LeBron James talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden

Hospitals in Chicago have seen the number of baby deliveries double this month. Which would be remarkable, until you realize that's exactly nine months after the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Three people telling me I'm wrong is a holiday (You son of a b*tch, I'm In)

January 2014

"MSNBC has come under fire for creating its own Chris Christie attack ad. However, later it turned out to be just an ad for Jenny Craig." –Conan O'Brien 

"We have Mitt Romney on the show tonight. We made him our first guest – you know, because he's still a little sensitive about coming in second." –Jimmy Fallon

"After the president's State of the Union address, there will be three separate Republican rebuttals. Obama said, 'Yeah, I live with two daughters, my wife and my mother-in-law. Three people telling me I'm wrong is a holiday.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

I'm a peripheral visionary (Playing you all for fools)

I bought an ant farm. I don’t know where I am going to get tractors that small. --Steven Wright

I bought a cordless extension cord. --Steven Wright 

I bought a decaffeinated coffee table. --Steven Wright 

You know when you put a stick in the water and it looks like it's bent but it really isn’t? That’s why I don’t take baths. --Steven Wright

She said let me ask you this and I said what? She said if you could know how and when you were gonna die would you want to know? I said no and she said, forget it then. --Steven Wright

I picked up a hitchhiker and she asked me what I did. I told her that I'm a peripheral visionary. I can see into the future but just way off to the side. --Steven Wright

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. --Steven Wright

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is it's always room temperature. --Steven Wright

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”