He’s even under investigation on the planet from Avatar for disguising himself as a Na’vi to steal some unobtainium (vote for me, or I’m going to go to jail)

July 2022

“There are numerous investigations into Donald Trump, from New York to Georgia to the justice department. He’s under investigation in New York, Washington, Georgia, Peoria, Mayberry, Twin Peaks, Tattooine, Westeros, Xanadu. He’s even under investigation on the planet from Avatar for disguising himself as a Na’vi to steal some unobtainium.” —Seth Meyers

“There is a New York magazine article in which Trump said he’d already decided to run for president again in 2024 – largely, I’m thinking, as a last ditch effort to escape criminal investigations. It’s pretty amazing that when Trump ran in 2016, his slogan was ‘lock her up’, and in 2024 it’s going to be ‘vote for me, or I’m going to go to jail’.” —Seth Meyers

“I for one don’t think Trump needs another get-out-of-jail-free card. His whole life has been a get-out-of-jail-free card. I’m pretty sure Trump could park his golf cart in the middle of the BQE [Brooklyn-Queens Expressway] and the cops would just put a bunch of cones around him.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

7000 racist millipedes in a human suit (Okay, back to our regular programming)

From a looming war with Iran to the ongoing humanitarian crisis at the border, it has been a week. Somewhere in the middle of all of that was the teensy bit of news that our president, who has admitted to sexual assault on tape, was accused for the 22nd time of sexual misconduct, this time by -- I'm sorry. Hold on. I just have to say. This is the 22nd accusation of sexual misconduct against Donald Trump. 22! If I had a dollar for every person Trump allegedly sexually harassed or assaulted, I would be doing better than any of his businesses. Janet Jackson's career ended because her breast sexually harassed one man's hand. Trump gets 21 do-overs and counting! Okay, back to our regular programming. --Samantha Bee

This 22nd accusation comes from E. Jean Carroll, the famous writer of Elle's advice column "Ask E. Jean." Long-time advice columnist E. Jean Carroll is accusing President Trump of sexually assaulting her back in the 1990s. In a memoir--excerpted in New York Magazine--she says it happened in a department store dressing room. The president denies all of the claims, and he has said today that he has never met Carroll. So naturally, there's a photo of them together. Remember if Trump says something isn't… it definitely is. If he ever says he's 100% not 7000 racist millipedes in a human suit, grab a can of raid. --Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The organizers are so desperate they're thinking of adding a Barbra Streisand impersonator (Don’t just phone it in. Get Strippin’)

Maybe you have heard about this story already? A woman in Illinois took a bottle and smashed it over the head of a male stripper and knocks him goofy. The woman was upset that he did not perform properly at her daughter’s bachelorette party. So let this be a lesson to all you male strippers. Don’t just phone it in. Get Strippin’. --David Letterman 8/28/2003

In the current issue of New York magazine it turns out now they're reporting Donald Trump is four billion dollars in debt. Yeah, and I think I speak for everybody when I say, “Hey way to go Marla!” --David Letterman 8/8/1994

Promoters for the Woodstock II concert are worried because they have not sold enough tickets. The organizers are so desperate they're thinking of adding a Barbra Streisand impersonator. --David Letterman 8/8/1994

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”