The organizers are so desperate they're thinking of adding a Barbra Streisand impersonator (Don’t just phone it in. Get Strippin’)

Maybe you have heard about this story already? A woman in Illinois took a bottle and smashed it over the head of a male stripper and knocks him goofy. The woman was upset that he did not perform properly at her daughter’s bachelorette party. So let this be a lesson to all you male strippers. Don’t just phone it in. Get Strippin’. --David Letterman 8/28/2003

In the current issue of New York magazine it turns out now they're reporting Donald Trump is four billion dollars in debt. Yeah, and I think I speak for everybody when I say, “Hey way to go Marla!” --David Letterman 8/8/1994

Promoters for the Woodstock II concert are worried because they have not sold enough tickets. The organizers are so desperate they're thinking of adding a Barbra Streisand impersonator. --David Letterman 8/8/1994

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And also to go out and vote

"I want to settle everybody down. Let me put this in perspective for you. Your chances of catching Ebola are the same as the Jets chances of making the playoffs." –David Letterman



"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson



"The government in Cuba is encouraging citizens to have more children because the country has the lowest number of newborns in Latin America. And nothing gets you in the mood like a direct order from Fidel Castro." –Seth Meyers



Look for the house that's been set on fire..

"For Halloween, a woman in Vermont is handing out kale to trick-or-treaters. If you're in Vermont and you want to stop by, look for the house that's been set on fire." –Conan O'Brien



"Cosmo magazine is encouraging female students in North Carolina to vote by offering a party bus to the voting polls that includes shirtless male models — just as our forefathers intended." –Conan O'Brien



"Here is a new and important announcement from the CDC: You will not become a Jets fan through casual contact with a Jets fan." –David Letterman