hopefully to an agent who forgets to take them off at the urinal (the USS John Wilkes Booth)

ICE agents will reportedly start using shock gloves, which do not leave marks and cause incredible pain, hopefully to an agent who forgets to take them off at the urinal. —Michael Che 

Pete Hegseth met with the crew of the USS Abraham Lincoln, which had been at sea for a record 322 days and is now docked next to -- Oh, no, the USS John Wilkes Booth. What are the odds? —Colin Jost 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey Kid Rock, what's your take on inflation? (Just get a reverse mortgage on that!)

In other Trump news, the former president’s lawyers were forced to tell a court on Monday that they can’t find anyone to put up the $454 million bond needed to cover what he owes the state of New York. Gee, I wonder why? Can you imagine that call? – ‘Hi, we represent Donald Trump. We were wondering if you could – hello?’ —Jimmy Kimmel

“Who would’ve ever guessed that a hard-earned reputation for not ever paying your bills would make it difficult to get credit. And what’s the problem, anyway? Didn’t you say Mar-a-Lago is worth $1.8 billion? Just get a reverse mortgage on that!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, in an interview Donald Trump said no president’s been treated worse than him. Yeah, even John Wilkes Booth is like, ‘Hold on.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you chopped down a tree today? (UCLA study)

"A UCLA study shows 7% of people still believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe these are the same people who believe President Bush is doing a good job in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"But not all the generals are against him. He still has the support of a lot of generals: General Electric, General Dynamics, General Motors." --Jay Leno, on generals calling for  Donald Rumsfeld's resignation

"It was on this day in 1865 that President Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre by actor John Wilkes Booth. It was also the beginning of a feud between Republican presidents and actors that continues 'till this day." --Jay Leno