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Showing posts with label Greta Van Susteren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Greta Van Susteren. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Okay, it's been four hours, time to get you involved (Top 18 Corporate Tax Dodgers)


June 2011

"The question is – why can't Congressman Anthony Weiner say with certitude if the crotch in question is his or not? Because he’s got so many crotch shots lying around, maybe one got away? Maybe he's been taking a picture of his crotch every hour for a month, to create one of those cool YouTube time lapse videos?" –NPR's "Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me!"

"Congressman Weiner said the photo leak was a prank, he’s a victim, the picture could be taken out of context? In what possible context would you take this picture? Maybe he meant to send it to his Doctor, with the message, "Okay, it's been four hours, time to get you involved." –NPR's "Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me!”

"Sarah Palin’s family road trip has a title; it’s called the One Nation Tour, and she’s brought along her husband and her kids and all the typical summer road trip stuff, like sun tan lotion, stuff for s’mores, and Greta Van Susteren." –NPR's "Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me!"

"Sarah Palin’s cross country road trip is not a political event, she says, but just a summer vacation with her family, just like the ones you have. Except my summer vacations generally don't have a title." –NPR's "Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me!"

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

It was a joint Navy Seals/People's Bank of China/grandchildren operation (Hillary's Bad Memory)


"Sarah Palin said Obama should stop 'pussyfooting around' and release the photos. Yes, because the guy who ordered the SEALs into a sovereign country without permission and killed public enemy number one is a pussy, and the woman who quit her job as the governor of a state with no people after half a term and won't do an interview with anyone but Greta Van Susteren is a bad-ass. Right." –Bill Maher

"Stop saying 'we' got Osama. 'We' didn't do anything. ‘We' were watching 'Celebrity Apprentice' and eating Funions in our sweatpants. Seal Team 6 did the killing, with money we borrowed from Beijing; that our grandchildren will have to pay back. So it was a joint Navy Seals/People's Bank of China/grandchildren operation." –Bill Maher

"They say the Navy Seals had attack dogs with titanium fangs; that they replaced their real teeth with titanium. You know you have a badass black president when even his dogs have a grill." –Bill Maher

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


Thursday, April 27, 2017

My Armada! My Powerful Armada! (Please Erase the Record)




Big news out of Washington, D.C., just this afternoon, as the White House finally released Trump’s tax plan. That plan? Never release Trump’s taxes. –Stephen Colbert
The Trump administration has a very strong rationale for simplifying the tax code. “In 1935, we had a one-page tax form consisting of 34 lines with two pages of instructions. Today, the basic 1040 form has 79 lines and 211 pages of instructions.” 1935 was the height of the Great Depression, so the two-page form was just “Page 1: Do you have money? Yes or no.” And page 2 was so you would have something to eat. –Stephen Colbert
Congratulations to Greta Van Susteren on her new, show “For the Record.” If you remember, for years, her old show on Fox News was called “On the Record.” Because “for” the record, she no longer believes anything she said that was “on” the record. I look forward to seeing her future CNN show, “Please Erase the Record.” –Stephen Colbert