Beaches open — no sharks in sight (double thumbs up)

“On Sunday, The Denver Post published a poll saying John Hickenlooper would lead other Democrats in the Colorado Senate race by 51 percentage points, which shocked Hickenlooper — he did not know poll numbers could have two digits.” --Stephen Colbert

“And he’s put a lot of thought into this, and he’s taking the idea of dropping out seriously. In fact, last weekend, Hickenlooper hopped into Senator Michael Bennet’s car to discuss his impending decision. Bennet listened to Hickenlooper carefully, then thoughtfully replied, ‘Who are you?’” --Stephen Colbert

“Trump is supposed to be consoling people in a hospital, and I think we all know nothing says ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ quite like the double thumbs up.” --James Corden

“Despite major Wall Street losses yesterday and global fears of a recession, President Trump tweeted today, ‘Consumers are in the best shape ever, plenty of cash, business optimism is at an all-time high.’ And then the mayor from ‘Jaws’ tweeted, ‘Beaches open — no sharks in sight.’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

As a final test, he was forced to spend two grueling hours in a sauna with O-Town (Ted's been a busy boy)

"Good news for Reverend Ted Haggard. Remember him? He was the President of the National Association of Evangelicals, who resigned last fall after he admitted fondness for gay men and meth amphetamines. After the scandal, he checked himself into Gay-A, which is increasingly popular. And it looks like things worked out great [on screen: reports that Haggard is now completely heterosexual following three weeks of intensive counseling]. As a final test, he was forced to spend two grueling hours in a sauna with O-Town." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I have some sad news for the gays, as they're referred to. Unfortunately, they have lost one of their own this evening -- Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher, who as you know, was caught doing meth and f------ dudes. The Denver Post is reporting that he is now 'completely heterosexual.' People say how did they turn this clearly gay man into a heterosexual? It's very simple. You know when you were a kid and your father caught you smoking. Then he decided to make you smoke a carton. Ted's been a busy boy." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”