It made the “manspreading” on the subway even worse than normal (it’s still attached to a hand)

The Russian presidential election was this weekend, and to get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple Watches. It sounds fun — until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand. --Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that Donald Trump’s secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was on the toilet when he found out Trump fired him on Twitter. Then Trump said, “Wow, what a coincidence — I was on the toilet when I tweeted that.” That’s right, Tillerson was on the toilet when he was fired. Which explains why Jeff Sessions and Betsy DeVos haven’t used a bathroom in six months. --Jimmy Fallon

This weekend was St. Patrick’s Day! And of course, there was a big parade here in New York, and a lot of men were wearing kilts. It made the “manspreading” on the subway even worse than normal. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can’t you let us have anything? (reverse Angry Birds)

September 2022

“We are celebrating the success of Nasa’s mission to hit an asteroid with a spacecraft going 15,000mph, in a test of their ability to alter the path of space rocks on potential collision paths with Earth. Some have called the mission, known as Dart (Double Asteroid Redirection Test), the world’s first planetary defense mission, which is exciting news really for everyone other than the Space Force. They’re like ‘can’t you let us have anything?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The rocket weighed about 1,000 pounds, which is kinda amazing. Two large pigs weigh 1,000 pounds. Nasa’s plan to avoid the annihilation of humankind is basically a reverse Angry Birds.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There was a control room celebration after the successful asteroid strike, in which Nasa staff hugged and high-fived. I feel like half the reason you take a job at Nasa is for this control room standing ovation moment. These people fired at and hit an asteroid more than 7 million miles away – they celebrated with a round of the lamest high-fives you’ve ever seen in your life.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He taught his dog to roll over . . . an IRA (As if the Jews have not suffered enough)

“Mitt Romney's birthday is not a big deal here. But in the Cayman Islands, it's a national holiday.” –Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Mitt Romney, he’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn't blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney is so rich, he taught his dog to roll over . . . an IRA.” –Jay Leno

“No, this is true; I guess Mitt Romney’s staff played a practical joke on him yesterday. They sent him out to give a speech in a room that was completely empty. He got there and the room was completely empty. Oddly enough, the audience reaction was the same as if the room had been completely full.” –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the bath also emits a hologram of a naked old guy who sits two feet away from you (I mean, voted for!)

January 2022

“I loved President Biden’s speech today. Truly a powerful speech. That is the Joe Biden I remember! That is the Joe Biden we stole this election for — I mean, voted for!” —Stephen Colbert

“In other news, BMW unveiled a new SUV with the capability to change color, and experts say it’s going to revolutionize the way you forget where you parked your car.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The appliances brand Kohler also announced a new luxury product: a bath that produces fog, to create a home spa. To make it even more spa-like, the bath also emits a hologram of a naked old guy who sits two feet away from you.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hard Lens Media: Rich Liberals Terrified Trevor Noah Says Medical Industry is Corrupt

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”