“That’s right, Trump fired a guy named ‘Dr. Bright.’ He also let go of Professor Smarty, Dr. Savior and Secretary ‘I Have the Cure, Don’t Fire Me.’” —Stephen Colbert
“[as Trump] Hey, look, my ideas don’t lack scientific merit — they lack any merit. You ready for another idea? Boof some Listerine. Couldn’t hurt. I mean, it stings, but that’s how you know it’s working.” —Stephen Colbert
“On Tuesday, Dr. Redfield told The Washington Post that ‘there’s a possibility that the assault of the virus on our nation next winter will actually be even more difficult than the one we just went through.’ And if you don’t remember how difficult this past winter was, it had Trump’s acquittal, the Australian bush fires, and ‘Cats: the Movie.’” —Stephen Colbert discussing Dr. Robert R. Redfield, the director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
“But don’t think the president doesn’t value expertise. This just in, Trump’s secretary of health and human services, Alex Azar, tapped a former dog breeder to lead the government’s day-to-day response to the coronavirus. Sure, but why not just cut out the middleman and appoint a dog? The dog breeder in charge of keeping you alive is named Brian Harrison, who until 2018 ran a company called Dallas Labradoodles. Well, now we know who cross-bred Trump’s hair.” —Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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