This isn't mine. It can't be mine (he has an American birth certificate)

"Hillary Clinton met with Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for six hours at a hotel yesterday. When Hillary saw that she had a six-hour meeting at a hotel, she was like, 'Wait, I think this is Bill's schedule. This isn't mine. It can't be mine.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The major pilots unions are complaining about the use of full-body scanners and these pat-down techniques at the airport. Pilots say the searches make it almost impossible for them to smuggle in liquor." –Jay Leno

"President Obama said on '60 Minutes' that he wants to bring back the 8 million jobs we've lost. Today India said 'no.'" –Jay Leno

"Obama's overseas trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya now claim that he has an American birth certificate." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”