Sir, if you don't order now you'll miss the early bird special (He had such a promising career as a pirate)

"Yesterday John McCain announced, 'We must bring about a regime change in North Korea.' To which the waitress replied, "Sir, if you don't order now you'll miss the early bird special." –Jay Leno

"A 19-year-old Somali man was arrested in Portland for allegedly planning to detonate a bomb at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony. His parents are devastated. He had such a promising career as a pirate." –Jay Leno

"American Airlines is going to offer happy hour on its flights in December. TSA is feeling us up. The airline is giving us free booze. We don't even have to make Friday night plans anymore. Just book a flight." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”