If you are embarrassed by your penis size, you may opt out of being scanned (full-on sextickle)

"The White House is working on a new terror alert system. Instead of colors it's going to tell how handsie the TSA agents are going to be. Yellow stands for cop a feel. Orange stands for gentle junk swipe, and red stands for full-on sextickle." –Jimmy Fallon

"There was supposed to be a protest, but nobody opted out of the full-body scans, maybe because of the signs TSA posted: 'If you are embarrassed by your penis size, you may opt out of being scanned.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"People lined up for days to see the new 'Harry Potter' movie. The movie is called 'Harry Potter and the Long Line of Single People.' It's just nice seeing a long line these days where nobody is getting their junk touched." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”