I'm about to get kicked out of this supermarket (he likes getting spanked while everyone watches)

The GOP has just a razor-thin majority in the House, so clearly Speaker Johnson would bring this to the floor for a vote only if he knew with absolute certainty they had the votes to … and, they lost. Mike Johnson, are you definitely against porn? Because you sure like getting spanked while everyone watches. —Stephen Colbert

Recapping Nikki Haley’s embarrassing loss in the Nevada Republican primary, where Donald Trump wasn’t on the ballot. Haley got about 30% of the vote, while “none of the candidates” got 63%. You know how they say you’re second to none? She finished second to none! —Jimmy Kimmel

“I like the idea that people took time to wait in line to vote for none of these candidates. It’s like going to the Wendy’s drive-thru and saying ‘nothing for me, thanks!’ None of the candidates is probably the only thing America can agree on right now. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ignorance is bliss/300 million-to-1/"good" billionaires

February 2023

“I read that The White House is giving federal agencies 30 days to remove TikTok from all government devices. Every government employee was like, ‘I guess I have no choice’ and gave their boss 30 days' notice. This is devastating. I mean, what is TikTok without Senator Chuck Grassley?” —Jimmy Fallon

“I saw that Wendy's is going to start selling their chili in a can at grocery stores. It's perfect if you've always thought the chili at Wendy’s was too fresh. Under ingredients, it just says, ‘Ignorance is bliss.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, it doesn't matter if we agree on how the pandemic started. The important thing is, we all agree to pretend it's over.” —Jimmy Fallon

“A man in California filed a lawsuit claiming that he won the $2 billion Powerball lottery, but the ticket was stolen from him. Then a million Americans were like, ‘Yeah, already tried it, pal. I mean, come on.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I also lost a bag of diamonds, too.’ Experts say his odds of winning the lawsuit are 300 million-to-1.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”