Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.' (Thank goodness for coke dealers)

"Now how about this guy? That Osama bin Laden, what a guy. And turns out now his first wife -- and he had, like, 30 or 40 wives -- well, his first wife has written a book about being married to a bin Laden. And she says that she suspected the marriage was in trouble when he told her he was going for a hike on the Appalachian Trail." --David Letterman

"I don't know if you're following this, but earlier today, in Vatican City, President Obama had a historic meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.'" --Conan O'Brien

"But General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There's not an eighth grader in the world who would convict you, sir.

"Muslims all over the Middle East are rioting in the streets. These are one billion of the touchiest people I have ever seen on my TV. The latest target of their rage, of course, is Pope Benedict XVI. Last Tuesday, the Pope gave a speech and quoted 14th century Byzantine emperor Manuel Paleologos II, who said that everything introduced by Islam is 'evil and inhuman.' Well I say, don't back down your Holy Pope 'cause it's true -- what did they give us? Optics, hydraulic engineering, algebra. There's not an eighth grader in the world who would convict you, sir." --Stephen Colbert

"This is weird. The state of Texas has put webcams on the Mexican border so people can sit at their home computers and look for illegal aliens trying to cross into the U.S. The website is free, but it costs $5 if you want the illegal aliens to talk dirty to you." --Conan O'Brien

  

"The man who founded the Hooters restaurant chain has passed away at the age of 69. In honor of his passing, former President Bill Clinton flew his pants at half mass." --Jay Leno

the Daily Show is big amongst 115-year-old vampire demons

"Muslims all over the Middle East are rioting in the streets. These are one billion of the touchiest people I have ever seen on my TV. The latest target of their rage, of course, is Pope Benedict XVI. Last Tuesday, the Pope gave a speech and quoted 14th century Byzantine emperor Manuel Paleologos II, who said that everything introduced by Islam is 'evil and inhuman.' Well I say, don't back down your Holy Pope 'cause it's true -- what did they give us? Optics, hydraulic engineering, algebra. There's not an eighth grader in the world who would convict you, sir." --Stephen Colbert

"Robert Novak does not watch the 'Daily Show,' or myself -- not surprising. I keep reading all these articles about how the 'Daily Show' is big amongst 115-year-old vampire demons." --Jon Stewart

"Today is Friday the 13th. Down in Washington, a confused George W. Bush lit a menorah." --David Letterman