it’s impossible to not think 'well, what are the specifics?' (eating a hot pocket you found on the train)

Donald Trump’s trial keeps making history. The New York-based trial is the first-ever criminal trial of an ex-president and the first time an ex-president has been found in contempt and threatened with jail time. And now it’s also the first time an ex-president has gone face to face with a porn star he had an affair with while she describes the position they were in, the silk pyjamas he was wearing and the magazine she spanked him on the ass with. 

How are they going to teach this era of history in high school? They can’t say most of the words! A frazzled gym teacher will have to cover it in sex ed. And that was keeping things “very basic”, as Judge Juan Merchan instructed Stormy Daniels to omit any “descriptions of genitalia”.

I had two different simultaneous reactions when I heard this: thank God and why not? Because when someone says ‘we’re going to talk about his genitalia, but don’t worry we won’t get into specifics,’ it’s impossible to not think ‘well, what are the specifics?’

I really don’t want to hear about Donald Trump’s weird penis, but also I kinda want him to have to hear it? Someone reading a description of your weird penis in court sounds like dream you’d have after eating a hot pocket you found on the train. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t even think about it! (I just wanted healthcare)

At some point, we’re just piling on. The man was our president. You know what I mean? Who among us hasn’t slept with an adult film star. And then tried to cover it up and become president. Yet we look down our noses at him? I don’t think so. Shame on us, shame on me! —Seth Meyers

Stormy Daniels testified that she and Trump had sex in the missionary position. ‘Don’t even think about it!’ shouted Judge Merchan to the sketch artist. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Some of us are trying to host a show here (I’m a bad boy, mommy!)

Stormy Daniels testified for three hours and 45 minutes, and things got off to an awkward start after the bailiff swore her in on a rolled-up Forbes magazine. When she raised her right hand, Trump instinctively shouted ‘I’m a bad boy, mommy!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

Before her testimony, Judge Juan Merchan assured the court that Daniels wouldn’t include graphic details. Now, that’s where I need to object. Yes, we do need to know the details. Some of us are trying to host a show here. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like No. 1 on my list (like a Keister elf)

Donald Trump has already paid $9,000 for his previous nine gag order violation fines, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but it is a lot for Eric, who now won’t be getting his allowance this week. —Jimmy Kimmel

Judge Merchan threatened Trump with jail time for further violations, which means Trump is definitely going to jail, because he can’t stop talking about the case. It’s like trying to get a dog to stop licking himself. How would that even work? Like, would they give him a cavity search? God help whoever gets that gig. They might find Vivek Ramaswamy living up there like a Keister elf. —Jimmy Kimmel

Sending the former president on a trip to Bar-A-Lago, according to Judge Merchan, is ‘the last thing I want to do,’ which is funny because it’s the first thing I would want to do. It’s like No. 1 on my list. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

in a twist no one saw coming, he remained conscious (cavity search)

Donald Trump’s criminal hush-money trial resumed in New York on Monday, and in a twist no one saw coming, he remained conscious. —Stephen Colbert

Judge Juan Merchan held once again held Trump in contempt of court for violating his gag order barring him from speaking publicly about the case. This marks Trump’s 10th violation of the gag order; one more, and the judge said he would have to consider a jail sanction. Donald Trump could go to Rikers Island. My condolences to whatever prison guard has to conduct the cavity search. Wear a headlamp. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”