I thought you meant we were going to be invaded by cat people (you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late)

Americans spent $5.4 billion on legal marijuana last year, which is more than they spent on Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined. Stoners would respond, but they were busy thinking about Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined. –Jimmy Fallon

The Iowa caucuses are coming up and yesterday, Lindsey Graham criticized Donald Trump and Ted Cruz and said choosing between them is like having to choose between being shot or poisoned. Graham said supporting Jeb Bush is like choosing to be slowly suffocated by an expensive pillow. –Jimmy Fallon

"Last week Iran launched a monkey into space, and it actually returned to Earth alive. It was great news for the space program and terrible news for the monkey who thought he'd finally gotten out of Iran." –Jimmy Fallon

But Trump’s lawyer allegedly told him that if he fired Robert Mueller, it would have a catastrophic effect on his presidency. Then after a long pause, the lawyer said, “That means ‘bad,’ Mr. President.” [imitates Trump] “Oh, I’m sorry – I thought you meant we were going to be invaded by cat people.” --Jimmy Fallon

"Pakistan is opening an amusement park and a zoo in the same town where the raid on Osama Bin Laden took place. The zoo is pretty cool, but I've heard you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”