“On Saturday, Russian separatists in the eastern region of the country started shelling Ukrainian army positions, which US officials warned ‘could be the prelude to direct Russian military action’. Now, call me old-fashioned, but once you’re shelling, that’s pretty much direct military action. Hey, hey, slow down you two! I’m worried this getting completely naked and bumping junk might lead to direct sexual action. Outside observers said the shelling came exclusively from the separatists, but the Russian separatists claim there was shelling from both sides. It’s a real he-shelled, she-shelled by the seashore [situation].” —Stephen Colbert
“Russia has continued to downplay the situation; ambassador to the US Anatoly Antonov appeared on Face the Nation this weekend and said, ‘there is no invasion and there is no such plans … Russian troops are on sovereign Russian territory. We don’t threaten anyone.’ Yes, Russia’s not threatening anyone! That’s just how they show affection over there. In Russia, if a boy surrounds your house with tanks, that is a prom-posal. Vladimir Putin has already recognized the separatists as informal republics; in a recent speech, he declared the independence of Moscow-backed regions in eastern Ukraine and referred to them as ‘ancient Russian lands’. So they’re independent, but they also belong to Russia. Putin’s just living the spirit of the old saying, ‘if you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, surround it with 190,000 troops, then ask it again.’” —Stephen Colbert
“The crisis in Ukraine, where it appears all but certain that Russia will invade. As we speak, Putin is flipping a coin like ‘heads I invade, tails I invade shirtless’. Putin’s about as undecided as when a server asks if you want a side salad or fries.” —Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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