I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it (I've had the same pack since 1975)

"I was so drunk I walked into a gay bar. It was terrible. There were fifteen guys for every guy."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

"I have been trying to quit smoking. My wife and I made an agreement that we would only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack since 1975."--Rodney Dangerfield

"My mother never breastfed me. She always had a headache."--Rodney Dangerfield

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”