Well, that would be great if I had a job (They're like Martha Stewart)

May 2013

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had stomach surgery so he won't be so big. His family gave him a choice. They said, 'Look, you either have that surgery or get your own ZIP code.'" –David Letterman

"Governor Christie is now saying that his decision had nothing to do with 2016, which by the way is his cholesterol." –David Letterman

"Cicadas are back, and there are going to be trillions of them. Cicadas mate once every 17 years. They're like Martha Stewart." –David Letterman

"The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, 'Well, that would be great if I had a job.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”