He’s just shoving the bishop up his butt and yelling ‘Yahtzee!’ (He really did get tired of winning!)

September 2021

“We are happy to project that Joseph R. Biden Jr. is still president 11 months after the election, following a Republican-led audit in Arizona’s largest county that confirmed that President Biden not only beat Donald J. Trump, but by a larger margin than previously counted. He really did get tired of winning!” —Stephen Colbert

“So Trump and the Arizona G.O.P. were humiliated after they spent millions to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you at the Dollar Store.” —Seth Meyers

“And turns out, not only did the Ninjas find ‘no substantial differences’ between their tally and the official count, they actually found 99 more votes for Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. I would have loved to have been there when they broke that news to him.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“So they hired MAGA fans and even they couldn’t say that No. 45 won. That’s like hiring your mom to judge the handsomest boy contest and still losing to a 78-year-old guy from Delaware.” —Stephen Colbert

“So Biden has won Arizona and the Republicans all know it. They called for the audit, they paid for the audit, they conducted the audit, which confirmed the former president lost on the forensic audit. Or as Trump put it at a rally on Saturday: (imitating Trump) ‘We won on the Arizona forensic audit yesterday at a level that you wouldn’t believe.’ So nothing’s gonna shut this guy up – no matter what the results are, he’s just going to go out and say he won. He’s not playing three-dimensional chess. He’s not even playing regular chess. He’s just shoving the bishop up his butt and yelling ‘Yahtzee!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”