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Saturday, January 25, 2020

Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator (Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu)


President Trump is the first sitting president ever to address a March for Life rally. Evangelicals, oh they love Trump even though he knows shit about Christianity and makes everything about himself. He told this rally (Maher as Trump) said Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator. —Bill Maher

Trump was very clear. No abortions at all. The only exceptions are rape, incest and the looks of the mother. —Bill Maher

The media has a new thing to whip up a public panic. Now it’s the Corona virus. It started in China and quickly moved and spread to Japan and South Korea and Thailand and Taiwan. Now it’s in the United States. I am not worried about this. They are close to a cure and we're almost there. They say the last piece of the puzzle with the Corona virus is getting the lime into the IV. —Bill Maher

Doctors are looking at people who have traveled internationally. Do you know who has traveled internationally and just got home. President Trump. Doctors told him for the next couple of weeks lie into your elbow. —Bill Maher

Years ago I was in an exotic Chinese food market where they where people eat things like salamanders and bats and snakes. Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu. I ate there once and I regretted it. I could tell something was wrong I ordered the bat and the guy said do you want flies with that. —Bill Maher

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers. —Bill Maher

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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