“Then later in the morning, Trump tweeted again, this time even more desperate and trying out an even dumber argument. He tweeted: ‘The impeachment hoax is hurting our stock market. The Do Nothing Democrats don’t care.’ That has nothing to do with impeachment. There’s no secret footnote in the Constitution that says ‘the president shall be removed from office for treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors unless it’s bad for the stock market in which case, cool it.’” --Seth Meyers
“What did this reporter think was going to happen? She’s interviewing drunk fans. Did she expect a cogent response? [As drunk fan] ‘While I’m happy, this victory is somewhat tarnished by the cloud of impeachment hanging over this great nation. If we accept the lowering of constitutional standards, America will cease to be a shining beacon of liberty. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go puke into a storm drain! Go Nats!” --Stephen Colbert
“Save that language for CNN, young man.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“D.C. is so political that even the drunk sports fans get involved as well. Like I wonder if there’s bar fights in D.C. where it’s like, ‘You stepped on my sneaker — I’m going to beat you like Brown vs. the Board of Education, man.’” --Trevor Noah
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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