In Beijing, because pollution has reached 35 times the safety level, children have been ordered to stay home. This could mean a delay for anyone who ordered a new iPhone. –Conan O’Brien
Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien
"Evil Democrat Empire? I got news for you, if we're going to do the Star Wars analogy, the Democrats are, at best, Ewoks." --Jon Stewart, on a Republican spoof video comparing Democrats to the evil Empire in Star Wars
"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman
"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno
A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s
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