He'll be the first president ever sworn in on a copy of GQ (Talk about a distant minority)

"How about that Mitt Romney, huh? I mean, this guy looks like he'd be selling fruit dehydrators on cable. He looks like the guy who tells you how to buy real estate with no money down. He looks like a cosmetic surgeon who gets ambushed on '60 Minutes.' He looks like the photo that comes with the frame. By the way, if Mitt Romney is elected, he'll be the first president ever sworn in on a copy of GQ." --David Letterman

"A Nevada brothel is encouraging its customers to give their tips to the Ron Paul campaign. How did this endorsement deal slip by Bill Clinton? He must be getting old." --Jay Leno

"After that fight the other night between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton at the Democratic debates -- did you watch that? Well, John Edwards said he is proud to represent the grownup wing of the Democratic party. The grownup wing of the Democratic Party? No wonder he's in third place. Talk about a distant minority." --Jay Leno