"The
huge political news over the weekend was that Barack
Obama won the South
Carolina primary. You got to give it up for the guy. He won despite persistent
rumors that I helped spread that he had fathered a black child, and named that
child Reagan. Full name: Reagan I Love Reagan Obama." --Stephen Colbert
"Today,
more huge news for Barack
Obama, as Patrick,
Caroline and Ted Kennedy declared their endorsement for president. Ted Kennedy,
of course, called the lion of the Senate, because he can pull down and devour a
zebra. The big question is, why would the Kennedys do this? Why would they go
all out for Obama? Well, they're saying it's because Obama reminds them of JFK.
Let me just say something. I'm going to be very clear. I've never been a fan of
JFK, but there is one aspect that I did admire about President Kennedy, and
that was in times of crisis, he took counsel from his brother and direct orders
from the Pope. Catholics know that. We just didn't tell you people. And the
reason why Obama, I think, is just like Kennedy is 'cause he, too, will take
orders from a higher power -- Oprah. Or, as I call her, the 'Poprah.'
Copyright Stephen Colbert." --Stephen Colbert
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