"The Olympics start the Friday after
next. For some reason, they're having them in Beijing, and the government right
now is very hard at work trying to cover up all the horrible things they do in
that country every day. It's like when your mom comes to visit your dorm."
--Jimmy Kimmel
"President Bush is on the
hunt for a new home. He just found out he and Laura are going to have to move
out of the White House in a few months. His massive plan of foreclosures and
plummeting real estate prices finally paid off." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The latest politic gossip is that
Hillary Clinton is not particularly high on Barack Obama's vice presidential
list. In fact, turns out she's somewhere between the Reverend Wright and Jesse
Jackson." --Jay Leno
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