"Today is the 30th anniversary of the National Minimum
Drinking Age Act, which raised the drinking age to 21. Also turning 30 today: a
16-year-old boy, according to his fake ID." –Seth Meyers
"A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version
of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is
California's version has avocado on it." –Seth Meyers
"Even though both Israel and Hamas fired on one another
during the five-hour humanitarian period yesterday, the U.N. secretary general
said both sides 'mostly respected' the cease-fire. That's like leaving the
house without pants and saying you're 'mostly dressed.'" –Seth Meyers
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