Angela Merkel scored two goals

"There was a huge blowout at the World Cup yesterday when Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in the semifinals. It got so bad that the refs told Brazil, 'You know what? Go ahead and use your hands.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Germany was really excited about the World Cup win. When asked what they're going to do next, Germany said, 'We're going to invade Disney World!'" –Jimmy Fallon



"At the World Cup, Germany defeated Brazil 7-1. Germany really mauled Brazil. In fact, Angela Merkel scored two goals." –David Letterman