"New
Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is in Iowa campaigning at a big cookout because this
is what you do if you want to be president. He's out there all day telling
people the hotdog line is closed for a traffic study." –David Letterman
"If you
are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the
running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the
potato salad." –David Letterman
"A major
wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers.
Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then
they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien
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